NURSING
HOME STORIES
(excerpts
from posts)
(If you want to retell any of the stories listed below, be sure
to obtain permission from the copyright holder if the material
is not in the public domain)
1)
I've
done some performances for mixed populations like that --one thing
that helps is a strong visual component, lots of color and motion
(I wear a tie-dyed outfit and juggle multicolored hula hoops,
you mght come up with something different) -- that way those who
aren't following teh narrative thread have something to pay attention
to...
2) A story that I often told in old age homes was the tale of
Hina and the Moon, a version on Laura Simm's tape with Yellow
Moon Press called MOON ON FIRE. It
is funny, profound, and always sparked a lot of conversation.
I also just told stories about my own life and grandparents.
3) I don't know if you feel up to a fart story, but one was posted
about a year ago. Old lady in chair, slowly tilts over to one
side. Attentive nurse immediately restores her to the perpendicular.
Few minutes later tilts slowly to the other side - nurse gently
pushes her upright again. This repeats, from side to side. Asked
later how she like the nursing home. "Well, they're too damned
polite for my tastes - won't even let you fart!"
4) I always find The Three Wishes
a good one for nursing home residents. They are an older couple
in my version - going to celebrate their 50th anniversary (or
any holiday that is close). They get a big kick when the sausage
is dangling off her nose and the reaction between the two of them.
They also love the end where he goes out on the front porch at
the end and sees the first evening star. He makes a wish that
they live out their days as happily as they have to this. But
I warn people that if they see a strange light circling around
at night..it's not a searchlight..it's that sausage still circling
around waiting for somebody's wish!
Comment: This is also a wonderful
story for children. I used it last year in a program in elementary
classrooms celebrating our elders in nursing homes. It was very
well received.
Response: I agree. And I've told
the story with two children walking in the woods who are poor
and very hungry when they save the life of the wood fairy. It
adds a whole new dimension to the story. In my particular version,
he as a banana dangling on his nose. And, of course, their wishes
are completely different. I've used it for birthday parties and
personalized the story. It is just a gem to work with.
Comment: Thank you all for your helpful
suggestions for my Nursing Home Program. Marilyn and Mary suggested "The Three Wishes".....It sounds great...Does anyone
have a copy of it or know where I can find it?
Response: Is
this the Grimms Tale that I know as The
Fisherman and His Wife? If so, it is at: http://www.bartleby.com/17/2/10.html
Added Response: Oops! That's not
the same story at all. Sorry! The fisherman catches a fish which
offers him 3 wishes in exchange for tossing it back into the sea.
The fisherman goes home to tell his wife and wishes for a sausage.
The wife, disgusted that he wasted a wish scolds him and ends
her scold by saying "I wish the sausage were on your nose!" There is nothing left to
do but use the third wish to get it off. I have heard this story
livened up in many wonderful ways! A friend fractures it hilariously
by having the fisherman wish the wife were crackers and his mother-in-law
(also standing by nagging in his version) were cheese! Then he
continues to eat in peace.
Response: I never heard it with a fisherman. It's usually a woodcutter in
the versions I've heard. But your fracturing made me think. We
have a Horseradish Festival in nearby Collinsville, IL. Yes, it
is the "Horseradish Capital of the World." There's something
in the old Mississippi bottom land that produces the finest horseradish.
So, they have the horseradish queen, horseradish throwing, etc.
This year they had the radish carved to look like soapbox cars
and had races. Sometimes they ask me to tell and I've told The
Turnip with a horseradish in it's stead. But The
Three Wishes would be a hoot also. I can just hear the
poor husband say, "Oatmeal! Oatmeal! Why I'd rather eat anything
but another bowl of oatmeal. I just wish I had a, a, a, horseradish
instead of oatmeal!" And in comes this big ole horseradish
- root, complete with leaves and dirt and lands in front of him.
Of course, the only time this would be really funny would be during
the Horseradish festival. In case you are wondering. The Horseradish
Festival is over this year. But it's held in Collinsville, IL
- the home of the largest ketchup bottle. But that's another story
for another time.
Response: I did a version of The
Three Wishes. I didn't change the story a whole lot, but
I drew Bill and Hillary Clinton as the husband and wife. You know
it took on a whole new twist just by changing the characters!
I didn't have to change a lot of the lines or story. It takes
place in a magical land called Washington DC. basically the story
is the same, but here is how is twist a bit. Just like the original
story, Bill still complains he is hungry and wishes for the sausages,
Hillary scolds him for always thinking with his stomach and wishes
the sausages on the end of his nose. They then go through a whole
list of ideas for what they are going to do about the president
having sausages on the end of his nose. At first she says lets
just deny the sausages are there. Just say, "I did not have
sausages on the end of my nose." Of course everyone will
see the sausages, you cant deny them! We cant deny it. They then
say, lets wish to be filthy rich, and then buy a golden bag, and
we can cover up the sausages. Of course we can't cover up the
sausages, everyone will see the bag, and know we are trying to
cover something up! We cant just cover it up. Finally they waste
the last wish and wish the sausages back on the plate. Bill of
course is still happy because he got what he wanted in the first
place, a plate full of sausages. And I end with the Moral of the
story. "It's Washington D.C, there are no morals."
5) Nursing home patients always seem to enjoy Jack
Stories. Also tell fractured fairy tales.
6) How about the 60-year-old man with a 60-year-old wife who wished
for a wife 30 years younger than himself, and zap, he was 90.
Last night at the Dublin Yarnspinners session, Attracta Dooley
from County Offaly told this. Her young granddaughter asked her
how old she was. She said she had had so many birthdays she had
forgotten. Kid said, "Look inside your knickers [panties].
It says 'age 5-7' inside mine."
I had forgotten I knew this before Attracta told it. Researcher
goes to nursing home to learn secrets of longevity, asks stooped
old man, he says, "Milk. Milk for breakfast, lunch, dinner,
before bed." "How old are you?" "93."
Next old man, more stooped, "Whiskey. Whiskey for breakfast,
lunch, dinner, before bed." "How old?" "94."
Next, really stooped, broken-down, feeble, shaky, "Women.
Women for breakfast, lunch, dinner, before bed." "How
old?" "45."
Dan Culliton of County Laois told this one. (Both Dan and Attracta
are well ripened by age.) Man went to London to work, worked hard
6 months, exhausted, went to doctor who gave him medicine that
would make him a young man again, decided to send it to his mother
in Ireland, returned to Ireland after another year, walking down
main street of town saw gorgeous young woman wheeling a pram (baby
buggy), introduced himself. She said, "You're gone 18 months
and you've forgotten your own mother?" "What happened?"
"I took some of that medicine you sent me." "Who's
the kid?" "Your father. He got most of it."
7) I couldn't agree more that nursing home residents enjoy story
for enjoyment. I have just finished a year's program at the seminary
teachers college on Movement and Exercise for the elderly, which
involved fieldwork doing sessions in a senior residence which
has a large nursing home section. On my third visit I decided
to let go, and gave the lesson with two dog puppets, the kind
that go on your hand, in this case one goes all the way down my
arm. I had them first make finger movements like a barking dog
and then do ears so they would have their own dogs! Participation
was super in the whole lesson. Of course you yourself have to
be a bit wild, but else how be a teller?
8) Little White Box by Roger Dean Kiser
Story:
"What is it that Mrs. Mathers keeps talking on about?" I asked the nurse at the front desk of the nursing home where I had been working for about a week.
"I don't know. I just don't know. She has been here for two weeks. The family knows that she will not live for another month. So they choose to place her in a nursing home facility. She constantly goes on and on about some damn little white plastic box," the nurse replied.
"Something about a box?" I questioned.
"Just get her dressed for bed and forget about her rambling ons," she instructed me.
"Yes Ma'am," I said as I walked away from the nursing station.
Every day when I came to work, Mrs. Mathers would ask about the little white box. She lay in her bed all day, with her hands partially covering her face. Each time I moved her hands away from her face, in order to wash them, I would see tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Before I die. My little white box. Please..." she would say out loud.
"Mrs. Mathers. I don't know what you mean, " I would tell her.
Every day it was the same routine. No matter what I would say to her I just could not understand what it was that she was taking about.
Several times, over the next week, the doctor was called to attend to Mrs. Mathers. I would stand outside her room to see if the doctor would pull her through. After the doctor would leave, I would go in and wipe her forehead and make sure that she was comfortable.
"My house. My little white box. Please..." she would start saying, over and over.
At three thirty, as I was about to get off work, I walked up to the desk and I pulled out Mrs. Mather's chart.
"1333 Whitmark" was her last known address. I drove the five miles or so until I located the address that I had written down on my pad. When I arrived I saw that there was an estate sale going on. There were cars, and people, everywhere.
"You're going to have to get a number if you are going to bid," said one of the men, as I walked up.
"I'm not going to bid," I replied.
I walked around the house for about ten minutes looking at what all had been tagged for sale. As I entered the dining room, I saw a gentleman wrapping various items and stuffing them into cardboard boxes. Sitting on the edge of the table was a little white plastic box.
"Excuse me. By any chance did you buy this little white box?" I asked him.
"I bought everything in this room," he stated.
"Could I look inside this little white box," I asked him.
"Sure. There's nothing in there of any value," he told me.
Slowly I opened the box and I looked inside.
"OH MY GOD!" I said to myself.
"Can I have this box?" I asked the man.
"Not worth nothin' to me," he said.
I ran out of the house as fast as I could and I headed back to the nursing home. When I arrived, I walked into Mrs. Mather's room.
"Mrs. Mathers. It's me, Roger. Look what I got!" I told her.
Slowly she opened her eyes. She began to shake as she reached out and took the little white box from my hand.
"Water," she said to me.
I walked over to the sink and I got her a cup of water. I sat it down on the dinner tray and I just stood there.
"Thank you, dear," she told me.
"You're very welcome," I told her, as I patted her on the hand.
I wanted her to know I understood that she was a fine lady and a private person. I bowed my head forward as I left her room in my most gentlemanly manner.
When I returned to work the next day, I learned that Mrs. Mathers had passed away during the night.
Of all my years of working in nursing homes, though there were many deaths, I only attended two funerals. One was that of Mrs. Mathers.
I stood by the casket, for more than an hour, as many people filed past. I could not count the times that I heard her friends say, "Jane looks at least twenty years younger with her dentures in."
•••••
Stories from The Life and Times of Roger Dean Kiser
http://www.rogerdeankiser.com
9) Two years ago I compiled helpful hints for telling to 3-5 year olds and use it in a workshop I do called "The Perfect Story from Nursery School to Nursing Homes. You can go to my website at www.marilynkinsella.org and look under "Teacher Teller" or this link should take you right there.
http://www.marilynkinsella.org/Perfect%20Story%20PART%20TWO.htm
Marilyn K. 12/7/05
•••••
(This
web page updated 12/28/05)
