THE PERT FIRE ENGINE—USA—1899
Source: From The Lively City o' Ligg by Gelett Burgess
as found in Through Fairy Halls of My Book House, edited by Olive Beaupré Miller.
Published by The Bookhouse for Children, Chicago—Toronto, 1920.
(added Sunday, May 7, 2006)

There were many fire engines, members of the Fire Department of the City o' Ligg, but of all the number, the most ill-behaved was the disreputable little Number Four. He was known all over the city as the black sheep of the flock, and everyone knew the stories of his mischief.

In spite of his evil deeds he was a very handsome machine, wearing a pretty coat of enamel, and all his fittings were nickeled, so that they shone like silver buttons. He always had silken hose, too, for he was very rich. But he usually was the last engine at the fire, and he was always sure to shirk. He would hold back when he was signaled to "Play away, Four," and he would squirt a stream strong enough to drench the Chief, when he should have held back. He consumed an enormous amount of the most expensive fuel, and he wheezed and puffed till the air shook with vibrations. He could have been the best engine in the fire department if he had wanted to, but he didn't.

So the people of the City o' Ligg were not very much surprised when they heard that Number Four had run away. They hoped only that he would stay away, for they could get along much better without him. "He's more trouble than he's worth," said the old ladder-cart. "I've been tempted more than once to fall on him and break his boiler for him. He wouldn't even have his hose darned, because he prefers to leak all over the street!"

For a few weeks Number Four enjoyed his truancy. He spent most of his time down by a lake, a little outside the city, and there he amused himself by going in swimming, and squirting water over himself like an elephant, till he shone brilliantly in the sunshine. When he was tired of that, he went around to the farmhouses and sucked all the water out of their wells and flooded their cellars. The stables were all very much afraid of him, but dared not complain, though they told their fences to catch him if they could.

Another favorite game of his was to fill his tank with water and squirt it at the windmills, playing on their sails so as to make the wheels spin backwards. This made many of the windmills so dizzy that they had to stop pumping for weeks.

But at last Number Four grew tired of this mischief in the country, and he began to cast about for something more exciting to do. So one night he loaded himself with water and rolled into the City o' Ligg.

He drew up before a two-story house that was not painted, but only whitewashed and began to squirt water all over her. The poor little house shut all her doors and windows, but even then she was drenched to the skin, and after an hour or so, almost all the whitewash was soaked off, and she stood cold, dripping and shivering in the night air, with her naked boards streaked with white. The naughty fire engine laughed brutally at her distress and went back to the lake to concoct more mischief.

Every night after that, Number Four went into the town and drenched the houses, laughing, as he poured streams of cold water down their chimneys, breaking their windows, washing away their foundations, and splashing them all over with muddy water.

At last it got to be altogether too much to endure, and the houses consulted together to see how Number Four could be caught and punished. They could think of no way, however, and so, after the fire engine had showered a very old and respectable church and given it a severe cold, they applied to the telegraph office to help them.

The telegraph office was by far the cleverest building in the City o' Ligg, but it took him some time to think of a remedy for this trouble. He consulted, by wire, with all the offices around Ligg, and at last they decided upon a plan.

Notice was sent to all the telegraph poles to strip off their wires and come into Ligg for further orders. The next day the houses were surprised to see a procession of long, naked telegraph poles march into town, each with a roll of wire on his arm. They marched up to the telegraph office that night and received their instructions.

As soon as it was dark, the poles separated this way and that, going some to one part of the town, and some to another, till the whole city was surrounded. For several hours, while the houses slept in peace, the poles worked, going in and out with the wires till they had woven a fence all round the town. At the principal entrances, they left the streets free for the fire engine to get in; but they contrived big V-shaped traps here and there, which could be closed by the poles at a moment's notice. It was by this time twelve o'clock, the hour when Number Four usually appeared, and when all the town was quiet the poles waited for the bad engine to come.

At last they heard the rumble of wheels on the road from the lake, and in the dark they saw a bright light approaching; it was the fire in the naughty engine, who was puffing his way into the town, chuckling to himself over the fun he was to have with the Town Hall that night; for he had planned to fill the whole of the third story with water before he came back.

Number Four came up to the city gate, with no suspicion of what was awaiting him, and boldly rolled up the main avenue, past the double line of sleeping houses. There was one house that was snoring with a rough noise, and the fire engine turned with a laugh and sent a stream of water through the window.

Suddenly the telegraph poles closed round him; they waved and towered over his head, they lay on the ground across his road, they threatened to fall upon him. The poor engine was terrified out of his senses. He backed and jumped, he whistled and groaned, and he spouted a black column of smoke out of his funnel, and sent streams of water in every direction. Suddenly seeing an opening, he darted back toward the gate, but he soon found himself walled in by the wire fences. He tried another way and another, but there was no escape; the wires hemmed him in on all sides, till he finally was stuck so fast that he could not move, and he stood panting, waiting to see what would happen next.

His wheels were tied, and his fires put out, and the next morning the poor, shame-faced engine was pulled into town past the lines of houses, who jeered at him scornfully. He was led into the park in the center of the City o' Ligg, and there, where all the principal buildings could see, he was severely scolded by the Mayor. It was a long lecture, telling all the story of his wickedness, and ending with the sentence that was to be inflicted upon him as a punishment. One by one they took off his bright red gold wheels, they took off his pole, and whipple trees, his seat-cushions, and tool-box, and then they dug a deep hole in the middle of the Park, by the side of a well, put him in, covered him with dirt, and sodded over the burial place.

And now when the tourists in the City o' Ligg compliment the Mayor upon the beautiful fountain that plays night and day in the middle of the Park, sending up a straight stream of water a hundred feet in the air, the Mayor says: "Oh, yes, quite so, quite so! That is the naughty fire engine, little Number Four, working out his time of punishment. He was put in for twenty years, but if he behaves well, we're going to let him out in nineteen!"
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Online sources:
The lively city o' Ligg: A cycle of modern fairy tales for city children by Gelett Burgess.

Bio info:
Frank Gelett Burgess (January 30, 1866 - September 18, 1951) was an artist, art critic, poet, author, and humorist. He was born in Boston, and graduated from Massachusetts Institute of Technology with a B.S., in 1887.

He is most famous for writing the poem Purple Cow (in 1895):

External links
Toonopedia: Gelett Burgess
http://www.toonopedia.com/burgess.htm

U of Toronto Representative Poetry Online: Gelett Burgess
http://rpo.library.utoronto.ca/poet/41.html

Works by Gelett Burgess at Project Gutenberg
http://www.gutenberg.org/browse/authors/b#a3732
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(This page created 5/6/06; revised 6/26/06)